Maybe my life is The Truman Show?

Okay, honestly I've never actually even seen the movie (I'm really not much of a Jim Carrey fan), but the general concept (at least as I understand it) is nevertheless interesting.

Sometimes I like to wonder -- hope? -- that my life is being somehow orchestrated--toward a positive outcome--outside of myself or my pervue.

So, for example, I see my counselor today and she speaks about present, past, future, and somehow in it all I suspect (hopefully) an allusion that maybe my sadly horribly painfuly dead relationship isn't actually fully dead and gone. That maybe she knows something I don't know, something outside my available context.

That somehow maybe she and God or my "Higher Power" are working in collusion. Working with and on and through my dear now-former partner, that they will bring him live and in person on stage to declare that it was all just a terrible joke. "Punked." Or tested to see how I would cope or react. (Which would be "Not well, tyvm." :p )

That somehow a rabbit will be pulled out of a magic hat at the end of the show and then we'll all get to live happily ever after.

Heck, I honestly never expected nor necessarily even wanted an idyllic "happily ever after." I've been so willing and commited to the "hard work" of relationship! I just wanted a fair and honest chance at that.

I feel like I've been thwarted at every turn.

So here I sit, wanting to hope that somehow someone is orchestrating it all. That a miracle of magic or God will be pulled off at the very end.

That somehow the story will get to wrap up tidily and in an emotionally safe and happy way for all parties involved. :p

I want to believe that it's all just been a big cosmic test by an enormously benevolent Tester and that really everything the last five years has been orchestrated for our eventual good and happiness. :p

That Cinderella (for I've definitely had the "step" family experience she lived through, not the blissful peaceful sleep of Snow White) and Prince Charming will come together and find forever joy and relational bliss. That Romeo and Juliet will both have only swallowed a few sleeping pills and will wake refreshed in the morning to experience together the glorious breaking of a new dawn.