I wish

So, I realize now that you were not a thing that I could hold onto or force to be with me in a certain way.

I did have to say no to certain ways of you being with me. But my mistake was in trying to force you, rather than just accepting you as you and accepting my own truths for me.

Still, I wish that I knew how to redeem it all so that we didn't have to lose everything.

I wish I could turn back the clock. Have a do-over. Though I was me, I was who I was, and you were you, so I guess we both did the best we knew how at the time.

I can't stay in that place, I have to keep moving forward, keep learning, keep growing.

I wish that you were here by my side, moving forward, learning, and growing with me. It's a frightening, lonely, painful process and I wish you were here, that we could be going through it together, to lean on and comfort one another through it.