It's awful to, day by day, miss your best friend.
Worse, to realize that they treated you like no friend at all.
It's one bad mind-trip circle to be on.
From another angle... It's useful to realize where I was (emotionally) a year ago this week: Right in the thick of watching the betrayal in all its technicolor glory. I didn't register the significance until I saw a Valentine's Day commercial on the television today. The realization is useful and constructive toward maybe cutting myself some slack. I've been telling myself for a good long while that "It's been over a year already!" But really it's only still just coming up on a year, in many ways and for all real purposes. Heck, it's only been just over two months since the last contact. (I sure hope that doesn't control the year marker!)
And I've done a lot in that year toward putting myself back together. Without the help of any king's horses or men, either, tyvm.
Still feels like there's a long, tender way to go, though. That's discouraging.
My butt is dragging a bit lately. Spirits flagging. Keep trying to walk toward the "Exit" sign on the mental merry-go-ground, but with the periodic dizziness also comes the two-step-stumble. Two steps forward, one step back. "Progress, not perfection" is maybe my new best friend.
